Is it possible for a person like me to be saved?
Is it possible for a person like this to be saved?
- one who has confessed his sins before God
- one who has said "Amen" to God's justice if He would never look upon him anymore
- one who still stands outside without a promise and hope
- one who makes each day his sin greater and each day must pray for forgiveness
- one who then experiences himself as an hypocrite (for how close can real and almost be)
When sinners are invited to come to the Lord's table, then I would be able to go on first but the elders will come to ask for fruit and then I have to acknowledge that there are only stinking fruit; for out of me there shall be no fruit till all eternity.
This is one of the easiest questions to answer! Not only does God's Word answer it numerous times. Multitudes without number will be able to answer your question from their own experience. The reason that you can be saved has nothing to do with any of the reasons you listed about yourself. But the answer is that "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners." Even if you would feel yourself the chief, even then there is that hope that He not only is able but also willing to save you. "All that come unto Me I will in no wise cast out." (john 6:37) To the very murderers of Christ, God sent Peter with this message, "Unto you first, God, having raised up His Son Jesus, sent him to bless you, in turning away everyone of you from his iniquity." (Acts 3:26)
Never doubt whether that you are welcome at the feet of the Lord Jesus. Never! Even if all the world and every demon would say so. Because there is but one mouth you never need to doubt and that is God's mouth as He spoke through the Lord Jesus Christ.
Ask any of God's children, and ask them about their fruits. If you find anyone that answer you in the positive about his or fruits, hurry on to find a real believer. Then if you find the most advanced in the life of grace, he will still say that "all his fruits are as filthy rags." Paul, who I reckon advanced in grace, never got beyond 'wretched failure' that I am.
If so your experience is as you stated, I don't think you have any reasons to fear a conversation with your elders. A poor sinner and a rich Christ belong together!
May the Lord remember you.